A Piece of My Puzzle

"The things we did, the things we said, keep coming back to me and make me smile again." Senior sing, an event which at first seemed like a nuisance, but after over a month of it, I feel like this is one of the last times I will get to be with my class. It just hit me that I will be graduating in ten days, and I am full of mixed emotions. The good ones are of the fun times, yet the bad ones are because I am leaving a place that I have grown up in since I was a 4th grader. So after Senior Sing, I decided to take the long route up to my car and just look around the campus. I hope to do this again with people I know, but today I went by myself. I walked at a very slow pace and snaked around the lily pond and chapel, then by my Winnie Units classroom, then through Barwick playground where I used to climb the tree which at the time seemed like a giant hanging over me. I walked past spots that brought back fond memories, like the window that I had to help pay for after I broke it playing handball with this year's quarterback and others in the 5th grade. I also walked around the "sacred shaka" which I have yet to step on since the first day of school when someone said that you got a (my school name) curse if you stepped on it. I want to continue writing, but the more I think about the reality of graduating, the more it hits me. This post ties the knot on my Composition class because I really feel (my school name) has made the biggest impact on my life, and has definitely been the guiding factor in who I am today.

What Will Define Him at 21?

Just the other day while doing hours of community service at Jefferson Head Start, even though it is almost my last day, I heard some startling news that confused me a lot. One of the kids whose name is (can't say it) is moving to Pakistan for who knows what reason. He was born in San Francisco and his family moved to Hawaii a couple years ago before his birth. He is currently 4 years old. These are the golden years of his life where everything is fun, but he will probably never remember them. I have no idea what type of person I was, or what I did with my life before the age of 5. I guess as you get older, your younger years and the memories you accumulated over the years start to diminish. So this kid is always happy, and I enjoy his company, and he enjoys mine. He will probably not even remember me when he is like the age of 10, but I will remember him and all of the other kids at the head start program. The reason I brought up this issue is for one just the fact that it doesn't make much sense to move to a war torn country especially at this time. The family doesn't seem to have a purpose for their actions, so I don't know why they would want to jeopardize their kids lives by immersing them in a completely different culture and style of living. Pakistan is a 3rd world country and moving from Hawaii, one of the best states when it comes to tourism, to Pakistan just doesn't seem right for him. Them main reason why I wanted to comment on this was that the boy will probably define himself by the way he grows up in Pakistan rather than Hawaii. I have lived in Hawaii all of my life so I feel I have been influenced in the way I was raised to live and act a certain way. If I had moved at the age of 5 to Japan for instance, I would probably know life and all I had the way I was taught in Japan. I just want to know what he will call home when he is at the age of 21. Will he call the U.S. his home and that he is a foreigner in Pakistan, or will Pakistan be his place of origin, and his past experiences of Hawaii be lost?

Please learn how to drive...or get off the road.

Ever since I started driving with my mother in getting my permit, I found myself to be the most cautious driver in the world. I would take my time and always let people change lanes, etc. Even to this day after driving for around 16 months, I find myself to drive carefully yet efficiently. Even with this layed back, safe driving, I find myself to be constantly agitated by drivers who don't signal. I have come into some near to collision crashes, mostly because other people infringed on my lane, and I refused to give in. Most times its cause I am in their blind spot and they decide not to look when changing lanes. It bugs the heck out of me when people don't signal because its a pure matter of being considerate to others. Is it not something to get mad about? Should I just shake it off every time and accept drivers for being idiots? Anyway, I find most of the people on the road who drive poorly to be women. I used to hear jokes about women in general being horrible drivers, but quickly brushed away this stereotype and figured out I would see for myself. Being out on the road for this long, whenever I see something that annoys me, I check to see who is driving. Most of the time, it is a woman, I know that most women are good drivers, and there are also a lot of bad male drivers, yet it bugs me that the stereotype is sort of true. Anyway, I should stop ranting, mainly because this could get ugly and I don't want to offend anyone out there, even though I probably have.

Murderball

I watched a snip it of this movie back when it came out and I thought, this looked ridiculous, I never even knew that they were actually quadriplegics. I thought it was a group of guys from jackass that played a made up sport in wheelchairs, mocking and making fun of them. I chose not to keep watching the movie because I thought it would get down on the handicapped, therefore I stopped watching immediately. When we were told at the beginning of class that we were watching "Murderball," I thought that it would be a mockery and not even worth my time. I realized that this movie was in an informal manner mixed with interviews and short clips. I found myself immediately attached to this movie because the people in the wheelchairs were actually handicapped for life, and I felt sorry for them. When I picture a handicapped person, I think that they probably can't even help themselves, and are weak. Breaking away from the stereotype, the men in this movie showed that they were not going to give up on life after being paralyzed. I looked up to the men in the movie because despite there disability, they appeared to have great lives and did everything any walking person could do. I felt quite sympathetic for the men in the movie, as well as gained a deeper respect for the handicapped. This movie worked through their struggles and how they persevered through the workouts. They are normal human beings like anyone else, and should be treated that way. I hate it when people discriminate against other races because they feel that they are incapable of performing certain tasks. I saw the men in this movie as normal, or on an even higher level, seeing the pain they had to endure each day.

You Oh Pee

I've finally decided what college I am going to next year, and I know the school is good for pharmacy and physical therapy, but I am a little worried about the surrounding atmosphere. Basically from the many people I have heard from, UOP is in the middle of nowhere in Stockton, California. I am hoping that there is enough to do on weekends that I will not be stuck in my dorm room studying 24/7. I never actually visited the campus, which college counselors advised before picking the right college. I am soley basing my decision on a bunch of souped up pictures which the university took for recruitment purposes. I am sure not all colleges are actually portrayed in ways that show their campus exactly. During college guidance last year, they said that the pamphlets that the various colleges send out always have an African American, an Asian, a white girl, and some other races. This makes every race feel that they will be accepted in their new college. Hopefully the campus will actually have this type of student interaction as well as a beautiful campus as portrayed in the brochures. I have no idea what to expect, and just need to keep my eyes peeled and mind open to new and different opportunities.

Head wig

In Identity and Culture class we watched a movie called "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" which was as musical movie about a transvestite who made it big singing, and took on a different identity so that he could marry this other guy. I find the concept of what to call Hedwig to be veryh confusing because he was born as a man, but through operations he basically became a woman, yet he is still a man. I don't want to call Hedwig an "it" because that sounds so derogatory and mean. It was his choice to make the switch and I don't have a problem with that. The actual character of Hedwig in the movie was played by a man, but his lover was played by a woman. The kissing scene seemed a bit awkward in the movie because it was two guys but in actuality it was a man and a woman. So what made the scene weird? the hair? the makeup? Anyway, I am quite confused as to what to think about this movie, because the theme was so different, but I found the movie to be quite humorous at times, and the singing was really good. Did the wig and the mustache make the woman who played his lover manly therefore making the scenario weird? I just felt really confused after watching this movie.

Graduation...

I've realized that I always want what you don't have, and that I have never really appreciated what I have at the moment. Back in freshman year I was thinking that school was going by really slowly and that each day was a chore. After each semester went by, I figured out in my head the fraction of highschool I had left. ex. 7/8, 3/4, etc. This process went of for two years until I finally reached the halfway point, and felt a sense of completion. Only in the end of junior year did reality hit me that I would only have a summer and one more year before I graduated from high school. Back in freshman year I wanted to be a high and mighty senior and get out of the house and go to college. Now in the present day, I am a high and mighty (not really) senior who has less than two weeks of high school. I would love the chance to go back to freshman year and start the process all over again because I am more knowledgeable and willing to take more chances. Actually I feel high school started to be fun during junior year because we were given more opportunities such as going off campus without getting demerits, and the senior dining room. If I would give one phrase of knowledge to the freshman, it would be, "Enjoy your time in highschool because it really goes by fast." I remember seniors during the time that I was a freshman told me this and I thought nothing of it. I wish I had accepted this knowledge for what it was and enjoyed every day of school.

Jobs

Jobs during highschool seem to be a waste of time. Why work hard unless your family is struggling to support your education. Most kids at Punahou are somewhat well off, though some kids are on scholarships, their parents aren't completely broke. I feel that thinking seriously about jobs is meant for after highschool or after college. The only jobs most people are capable of at the age of 18 are as host/hostess, sales in stores, etc. These jobs most of which pay minimum wage and tips based on what people give after your services. I think the reason people work during highschool is mostly to give out a macho effect or to give themselves a sense of independance. This sense of independance is false in most cases because your parents are still paying for almost all of your other necessities. If the opportunity to be taken care of by your parents in a financial aspect until the age of 18 or out of college, I wouldn't think twice about accepting this opportunity. Working at this age is overrated, though you get experience, most people will not pursue jobs of this calliber after college. Or the people that do choose to pursue these jobs often don't go to college or just love it so much that they go back after college. I would find working at a fastfood restaurant during highschool to be a waste of time because highschool time is when you should be enjoying school and worrying about grades to a certain extent, but having fun at the same time. All this time working could also be spent studying on the books longer, and getting into a better college which could mean better grades. This would result in better pay after college, which is probably way more than you made during those wee hours of highschool spent working.

Three Day Weekend.

Last three day weekend of my highschool career. They sure will be missed. In college, three day weekends are not going to be the same. Here in Hawaii I can go home at 3 in the morning then wake up to the sun shining through my window and the cool morning breeze coming through the window screen. Going to sleep really late and waking up really late in the morning is what its all about. There is no other feeling in the world that I would compare to waking up late on a weekend. This weekend was pretty chill, cruising with friends and not having to worry about sports or anything of that sort. I went crab hunting for the first time in my life in Hawaii Kai. It is really hard to do if you're wearing shoes, and don't want to take them off to go in the water. I ended up having to hold the basket thing with the fish heads dangling it slowly into the water while balancing on a couple of unsteady rocks. By the end of the night, only one person caught a crab which was pretty disappointing. The crab didn't even look edible, and was very small. I think what made this weekend good was just chilling with friends, and not having to worry about school at all. These next few weeks of school are going to be tough because the year is winding down to an end, but this doesn't mean that the fun is over, it actually has just begun.

The Only Ways to Remember...

I was looking through pictures from the past to put onto the online craze called myspace. I realized that once you are old, the only real way to remember your past is by looking at pictures. I was never a picture fanatic, so I rarely took pictures of things I did or places I went. Only recently I have realized the importance of pictures, and therefore took quite a lot of pictures of not only myself but of scenery in Vietnam. Souvenirs from places that you travel to can sometimes be for sentimental reasons, but I find all of the souvenirs I have accumulated over the years to be in some drawer by my desk. They had a big impact on me when I initially bought them, but as the years went by they became less and less important to me. Pictures seem to be the best way to remember things, and by looking upon old pictures I was in, some of them I can actually remember what I did that day. Its amazing what your brain stores from the past, and how quickly I was able to remember the events by just looking at a few pictures. Another way to remember past experiences is to keep talking about them, and telling stories to others. This way is effective, but once you stop telling the stories, then the events will start to fade from your memory. I am really bad at telling stories so I think I'll stick to taking pictures of experiences from now on.

The Big Screen

I've heard from multiple people that Little Miss Sunshine is one of the greatest movies they have ever seen. I recently bought the DVD in Vietnam, and watched it the other day. I already had the mentality that this would be the best movie ever, and it actually was a really great movie. I think that its better if nobody hypes up a movie, then you find out for yourself that it is a good movie. Setting your expectations too high can actually make you think more about the movie, rather than just enjoying it. The newest hit movie which everyone saw but me was called, "Blades of Glory." I had to go to the hospital on that day when everyone saw it so I missed out. I watched a clip of this movie on someone's myspace around ten times because it was so hilarious. I find going to the movies to be somewhat overrated because for one you pay $9, and unless you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, you end up going with like ten other people. Plus going to the movies is not a very intellectual event, basically you watch the movie while sitting next to each other, then talk about the movie afterwards. There are many other more intellectual/fun things to do on a Friday/Saturday night, and I do feel they are really overrated. The prices are pretty outrageous, but no offense to people that do see movies every week.

Pop! Pop! Pop! I'm a Firecracka

Not only is prom a time to kick it with friends, and just go out there and dance, but the week prior to prom, there is an academy dance. This dance happens to be on 4/20, a day which is not significant to me at all, but to a lot of other students, this is a significant day to light it up. If you know what I'm talking about then thats cool, but if you don't understand then don't worry about it. I have no idea why 4/20 is like the national day to "hit it," and most of the people that do participate in these activities probably have no idea either. Some people would refer to these wannabes as "fakin' Jamaicans." Anyways, after the numerous outreach speeches about not jeopardizing our chances of graduating, I hope seniors at school don't make any stupid mistakes. There is only like a month and a half or something like that, and I would hate to see a senior get kicked out at this time. Of all of the days of the school year, why did they plan a dance on not only 4/20, but a week before prom. To the people that set up this dance, that was a pretty rookie move, you're just asking for people to go to the dance all "stoney baloney" then kick them out. If theres any seniors out there reading this, we are so close to graduating from high school, live everyday of high school as best as you can, and just don't get caught doing anything stupid.

Alright...k Sweet.

Florida just won the national championship for basketball, and they are the first team to win back-to-back championships in 15 years. I never really payed any attention to basketball ever in my life, but with the new additions to my life this school year such as fantasy basketball on yahoo.com and NCAA brackets on facebook.com I feel I have become more aware of the sports world. I mean I'm like any other average person in the U.S., i know about all of the main players in the NBA, etc. but I'm not a die hard fan like some people. Next year I want to see big league basketball, and hope that I go to a city where games like this take place. I wondered why so many people that are clueless about basketball thingies on the internet such as the two I participated in, participated in them as well. I have come to find out that activities such as these bring people together, and this is what they were intended to do. My dad's friends still get together since college time like once a week during football season to watch games and just talk story. Sports bring people together, and this is a phenomenon that I have just started to become a part of, and hope to keep at it for the rest of my life.

Day Back

Spring Break is over, bummer. I feel weird writing again because it feels like its been forever. Vietnam was quite a life changing experience because I never really knew how fortunate we are to live here in Hawaii. Vietnam is a 3rd world country under communist rule where people make around 2 dollars a day. You can probably imagine how run down the city must look as well as the type of living conditions the people face. At the orphanages, you see kids who were abandoned on the streets or left at the doorsteps of the orphanage. In Hawaii, we buy food and goods like spoiled rich people. A hot meal is not a commodity that comes about often. Venders on the street have dogs, mice, birds, monkeys, etc. for sale for around a dollar. I was thinking how much UI wanted to have one of those as a pet. Turns out they were to be sold for food. And frogs legs actually taste like chicken. Though I would rather eat chicken.

What bra like tro?

First I felt disgusted by people trying to talk like mokes. I hear people talking like that all the time at my school. Why would they try to talk like that when they could speak proper English? Do they feel proud of themselves talking like loco braddahs and stuff? Anyways, i came to the realization that they talked like that because thats who they were. I don't talk like that because I choose not to and that isn't who I am. Being someone I'm not isn't how I live my life. The people that talk like this define themselves by sounding like something they are not. I should welcome them with open arms because in the process of being themselves and doing what they want, they are being others, but this is a way of being themselves. This probably makes no sense at all to anyone who is reading this but it made a lot of sense to me. If you have questions about what I mean, leave a comment and i'll try and change the post up into mo betta English.

Rap listener = gangsta.

People tend to judge others by the type of music they listen to. I find myself constantly stereotyping others based on the genres of music on their i-pods. I do believe that music is a way of expressing who you are as a person, but it doesn't mean that they fit all the stereotypes associated with that certain type of music. As you may have noticed in the title, the term rap in a modern viewpoint is almost always pointed towards African-American listeners, gangsters, THUG life, hate crimes, etc. I know a lot of people who listen to this type of music yet fit none of the stereotypes above. (Some are pretty extreme but work with me here). Why do people stereotype, and to what point is stereotyping alright? People shouldn't feel like they are being posers by listening to music which wasn't produced by people of their same ethnic background because music is a universal language. How messed up of a world would this be if you were only allowed to listen to music made by people of your ethnic background. Unfortunately I would be forced to listen to WHO KNOWS WHAT MUSIC JAPANESE PEOPLE MAKE. Anyway, to make a long story short, don't judge people by the type of music they listen to, because music helps define people, but not always to the extent of following stereotypes.

Do youTUBE?

I have recently discovered my fascination with the site everyone around the world knows as youtube. This site is open to anyone who wishes to post videos which they want to share with others. If you visit the link above, you will start to understand who I am so fascinated with this site. I find 80% of the videos I view to be a complete waste of my time, yet that other 20% consist of people who create awesome videos. Youtube.com's logo is "broadcast yourself," and I feel this tells a great deal about people growing up in the 21st century. Without the internet, there are not many ways to get nation wide publicity or people from random islands in the middle of the ocean such as Hawaii to view your videos. Of course you could get immediate nation wide publicity by streaking in front of the White House, being a kid who goes to Michael Jackson's Neverland Rance, etc. you get my drift. But most people are not as courageous as this and would rather just post their videos for the public to view. Some amateur videos on youtube such as "this one" have received over 5 million hits. A feat. that would be unachievable if there were no internet. Of course I visit youtube to get some entertainment for my sometimes boring life, but I also take for granted how much we all are blessed with in this day and age. If I were living say 100 years ago, if I got bored, I would probably go outside and read a book or something. Now, people can search the internet and enjoy others works of expression. Videos on youtube help define the people who make them, and I realized you shouldn't dis videos even though they're bad because the people who made them must have cared enough about the video to put it on the internet.

I guess I'm RACIST.

In Identity and Culture class around two weeks ago, my teacher discussed a site where it tested your preferences towards different races. I decided to try it out, and below are my results. There were quite alarming. Just thought I would share them. By the way if you want to try the test yourself, you can go to the link below

Implicit Association Test

Your Result

Your data suggest a strong automatic preference for European American compared to African American.

When I took this test, I answered each question honestly, because I simply wanted to get the most accurate answer. I find this result to be accurate about me, though this is not what I want. After taking the test, I was given this cumulative breakdown of the results of test takers in the past.


I found myself to not be alone in the "strong automatic preference for White people" category, but this didn't make me feel any better about myself. I am not sure if i can consciously make myself neutral to both races. What exactly influenced my results? I find the influential aspects of my life to be outside influences such as movies, school, and t.v. I see my results to be adapted instinct in that now unknowingly I lean more towards European people than Black people. Through my influences, I have obtained a preference that I would rather not have. I am going to try and consciously think about each group of people as equal, though I don't know if this is possible. Do other people want to be in a neutral position towards both races but find it incredibly hard to do so?

What is Love?

I see love for someone to be during college or after college. All of those highschool relationships that people feel they need to have, seem like a waste of time, or a way to feel grown up. I eman, sometimes driving in Manoa, I see little 6th and 7th grade Filipino couples (not to be racist) holding hands, and that just seems like such a fake picture of love. I am not sure what their main motivation is, unless they are planning like many public school relationships to start families at the age of 17 (stereotypical). I feel love isn't something you should be rushing into like some girls who feel obligated to always have a boyfriend. Whats up with that? I mean, enjoy life in highschool, and wait till you are ready for a relationship. I'm not jealous of those couples who start in 7th grade though it may sound like it because I'm talking pretty low of them. I feel love is more than just being with a person, its understanding them. I feel you you should wait until you understand yourself before you try and understand someone else. This is my own opinion, and I am not jealous of those high school relationships, I just feel personally I need more time before I try to understand what love is all about.

Tyler Durden Attempt

Right after reading the book titled "Fight Club," I felt inspired to make an attempt in duplicating the type of language that Tyler Durden used. His words were very meaningful because they asked an pointed out personal observations. If his voice were not in the manner which was heard in the movie, I feel a lot of the potential meaning would have been lost.
Find a mirror and take a look at yourself. Make sure the lighting is adequate and look yourself right in the eyes. How do you appear to yourself, are you proud of the person looking back at you? What makes you...you? Is this the way God put you on this earth or have you been shaped over the years into something you're not? Is the person looking back at you really you or is it someone with an attempt to be accepted by others? How has that person tried to fit into society, or have the always tried to be themselves? If the person looking back from that mirror seems false, well he probably is false. At what extent has the man in the mirror changed due to influences? Each day, the people you once knew may not have your back, or be there to talk/listen to you/ Just know that the person in the mirror will be there, change as you change, fit into the latest trends, etc. Just know that once the person in the mirror starts to seem unfamiliar then you've lost an important part of you...you.

Death

I'm confused, everyone is going to die sooner or later so what is life all about? Is our life set in stone or does it change by our actions. Do we determine our future and whats going to happen to us or is every move destiny? I constantly ponder the question, "Why do good people die and why are bad people given life?" I don't mean to say that bad people don't deserve to live, i just cannot figure out why God put people such as Hitler or Saddam on this planet. Maybe there are special purposes for these people, I just cannot seem to understand them. Even though Jeremiah Johnson's death was a couple weeks ago, I cannot seem to get the fact that he will never again take a breath of fresh air. His life was cut short in a freak diving accident, and thinking about it makes me feel horrible. I never actually had him as a teacher, but seeing the faces of those who he impacted, I knew he was a great man. The suddenness of his death opened my eyes that ANYONE could die at any moment. I should take every moment and breath as well as interactions with people as if they could be my last. I wouldn't ever want to regret anything I said or did if a person were to leave my life.
I don't fear death because it happens. The reality of life and how precious it is leads me to understand it more. Never regret anything you do, just live the life you want to live and enjoy every second of it.

18th

So last week Thursday i turned the big 18 years old. 18 is supposedly the year which you become an adult, or at least can make more decisions. I actually don't feel like I am ready for this type of transition. For the last 18 years of my life, I have been a kid, I have a question which I am not really sure what he answer is, "When does a kid become an adult?" One day I was a kid and the next I became an adult? I feel an individual decides when they become an adult, it doesn't just come with age. A certain level of maturity is required to be an adult, and this level of maturity needs to be maintained. I don't really want to make a commitment to being all goody two shoes at this moment, and want to make the transition when I feel that I am ready. Adults are faced with the same decisions as kids, but the only difference seems to be the consequences. I remember my court date last year for my speeding ticket, and i was one of the only people under 18 in the room. I was able to go up to the judge with my mother rather than by myself. Things are different now and if I go to court again, I will not only have to go up to the judge by myself, but the consequences could be harsher, maybe even including jail time. The decisions I make at this point in my life could either make it or break it. Being aware that I am now 18, I am more conscientious of my actions, and the possible consequences.

Using Blogspot for Composition

Right now in my Identity and Culture class, we are using blogspot as well to share our ideas as well. I feel it is a good way to express yourself and have others give you feedback.